It’s been a couple of weeks since my third Style Coaching session with Kim: Christmas has come and gone, and today hails the end of one year and the start of another. According to some interpretations of the Mayan calendar and prophecies, we have entered a new era of consciousness. I can’t speak for the Mayans, but I can say for sure that I am changing.
One of the beliefs that I have become aware of through the coaching process is an insidious little monster: Change won’t last. This belief has the potential to undermine any action I take, undoing newly tied laces of change and keeping me firmly on track to destinations of old. One glance at my life over the last ten years or so smashes that belief into a thousand smithereens.
Am I the person I was at the start of the century? Am I unchanged? Of course not.
Well then: long-lasting change may not be easy, it may come and go away again, but like anyone who has been truly determined to transform, who has fully committed that they want this new path more than they want the old one, change will come, and it will become solid, dependable, real. It is possible to choose a different way of thinking and of living. I’ve seen loads of inspirational people around me do this in so many ways.
This, I think, is perhaps the secret to any change in life – to giving up smoking, or eating sugar, to starting to exercise and doing it consistently, to learning a language, to being in a relationship – you have to want the new outcome more than you want the old one. When you do, you set out on an entirely different kind of path which leads in a completely new direction.
So begins session number three with Kim. Actually, that’s not quite true. The very beginning of the session involves me oohing and ahing over Kim’s eyeliner, a sultry purple, and her informing me that yes, this colour would indeed suit me, too. Kim checks in with me about whether I believe I can change, and I am able to firmly answer her, “Yes”. It’s already happening.
We spend some of the session honing my goals for the coaching process, which gives everything a sense of solidity and reality. I am really doing this. Dates and details are getting firmed up, and with Christmas around the corner, my requests to my sisters for gifts are very Style Coachingy – clothing vouchers, make up brushes and electric blue nail polish. I am delighted when I receive all three.
I’ve written in previous posts about the shame I’ve carried for years about not knowing how to be a woman in terms of grooming and so on. Kim talks me through nail care in our third sesh together; there’s so much more to it than I wanted to acknowledge. The old sense of fear kicks in around having to spend more money and time on it than I want to. The choice however is this: carry on doing very little in the way of self care in that area and keep criticising myself; carry on doing very little but change my thinking (very hard when you’re still doing the old behaviour – acceptance, acceptance, acceptance); try something new and think the old thoughts; OR try something new and think something new! I’ll go for option 4, please Bob (any Blockbusters fans out there?). We set a bunch of mini goals around me getting some base coat, top coat and cuticle cream. Sticking to them is harder. By New Year’s Eve I still haven’t got the base coat or top coat, and massaging my cuticles (aka my cutes from now on) has fallen by the wayside. Kim even wanted me to throw away my cuticle scissors, which look like an instrument of torture I must say. I am reluctant – and sorry to admit that they’re still in my make up box. Just in case of emergencies. I haven’t used them though, promise!
I’ve got another new goal involving Nige and an energy I want to call into my life… one area I’ve shied away from a lot is glamour and sexiness. I’ve just felt so uncomfortable with it. Kim said something very innocently that has stayed with me: “I’d always rather be overdressed than underdressed”. The stark difference of her attitude to mine has really stood out for me in recent weeks, and I’m starting to make a lot of changes in how I dress.
And people are noticing. I’m getting a fair few comments on how I look, on the changes I’m making to my make up and clothes. A gorgeous perfume makes its way into my life at Christmas. Hubby and I discover a new vintage shop in Darwen, Lancashire, and I fall in love with about six different things; Nige, who has really supported my process, offers to get me something for Christmas, and suddenly I have a wicked 80s mohair cardigan with huge batwing arms and a chunky plastic link bracelet with heart charms dangling off it in all my favourite colours to my name. I treat myself to a vintage 80s skater style skirt with deep front pockets in a nautical map print. This * is * fun.
My new watchwords, against which I am making my clothing choices are: Creative, Dramatic, Feminine. If it doesn’t fit into one of those categories, for the time being it ain’t getting in. I’ve done simple and natural for a lot of years and it’s time for a sea change.
I’ll close by saying that my old adage of ‘Can’t be bothered’ is fast becoming, ‘Be bothered’. And I am loving every minute of it. Right, off to take the old nail polish to get ready for a smashing New Year’s night out in another new purchase, a gorgeous feminine and rather dramatic frock.
Kim, working with you is rocking my world. xxx
For more information on working with Kim, call her on +44 7876 781 802